reflection

[masukunduh]

Unfair.

It was a word that had become the premise of his existence. With clenched teeth and balled fists he strides out of the ballroom, listening to only the bare minimum of what the queen had to say before leaving. He didn't trust his temper to last any longer than that, and saying something stupid would certainly land him in poor favor.

His ambivalence was melting into anger more and more these days. She expected them to outdo their real selves? As if! Everyone knew they were just a bunch of shameless copies, barely deserving the term "bootleg", and somehow she counted on any sort of success? He hoped the Red Queen would take that shiny new shield and shove it down her toady throat. Like they would ever amount to anything. Like he would ever amount to anything. Never even had the chance...

He didn't go to his room. He didn't want to turn off the lights and turn up the music until feelings faded away. A rage burned in him so strong all he wanted to do was claw and fight. He burst into Souji's room without any pretense of invitation.

Souji wasn't there.

There was always a low hum of white noise in here as humidifiers worked to keep an exact amount of moisture in the air for the spider. It irritated him. His hackles rose as he whirled around, seeing his reflection in dozens of glass containers, unable to escape from himself.

He turned upon the wings.

His composure broke. With the blunt ends of his fists he beat desperately against the glass over and over, making splitting fractures along it's surface, splitting his image. He pounded and pounded as glass shattered and broke, falling to the floor and digging into his skin.

Comments

[denyingpets]

Yousuke had beaten Souji to his room, but Souji wasn't far behind. He stood in the doorway, taking in the shattering, the banging, and the beginnings of blood sprinkling the floor. He didn't have the energy to be properly angry, so he settled for irritation punctuated by the low, humming simmer from the mark on his forehead.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned against the door frame and waited. Yousuke would calm down eventually and then he'd realize that no matter how much destruction he'd caused, it had been an entirely pointless gesture. He would have changed nothing for himself, let alone for Souji.

[masukunduh]

He doesn't stop until all the glass is broken and gone, mauling his hands in the process. But he doesn't seem to mind, or more accurately care. It's then that he knows that Souji is watching him.

His hands stay in fists, and his gaze on the floor. He raises one finger, and points at the wings.

"...Burn them."

[denyingpets]

"I like them."

It isn't a refusal, but it isn't agreement either. Souji doesn't move from where he's standing in the doorway; he hasn't even closed the door.

[masukunduh]

"You... Promised me a favor... After the keys..."

Yousuke speaks through clenched teeth, huffing through anger-- but also because he knows what he's asking. Asking from Souji. Even with a clear head, he wouldn't be able to think of a time where he'd truly asked anything from him. And the fiasco with the keys wasn't an entirely successful one; it had ended with Souji getting that ugly mark on his forehead.

He's using all his willpower not to tremble any more than he already is.

[denyingpets]

That elicits a long silence from Souji. He doesn't like to give in, especially not to someone he's so clearly placed below himself; then again, he hasn't actually refused yet, so he isn't necessarily giving in. And he did make that promise. To keep Yousuke's loyalty, he may have to give him this.

Souji does finally step into the room and looks at the wings. They're a little tattered from the broken glass, but still largely intact.

"Burn them, huh?"

No, he'll do this his own way. With a crackle of red light and a wince, he summons and summons Loki, using Niflheim to freeze the wings and a good part of the wall.

They're even more fragile now, despite the thick coating of ice on them. With a motion, he switches Personas and summons again, bringing out Shiva to cast Pralaya, shattering the wings and practically obliterating the fragments.

This display leaves him winded, but it's a welcome if temporary distraction from the burning sting on his forehead.

"Satisfied?"

[masukunduh]

A diamond-like dust settles around Yousuke's feet, and he steps back. It glitters with an orange sheen from the powdery substance that covered the wings. He snarls and stamps on a chunk of ice that wasn't entirely smashed by Souji's attack. Blood drips from his hands and melts the snow.

"Fuck her! Thinking she can just expect shit like that out of us!" He snarls, stomping and kicking like a child throwing a tantrum, "punishing us for failing, punishing us for disobeying... Just pawns in her fucked up game of chess! What if we want something? We can't even have that!?"

He's desperately angry, relishing in feeling something, anything. Something he can point all his self-consuming frustration at. Someone to blame, someone at fault. He's so bitter he can taste it in the back of his throat.

[denyingpets]

Souji watches Yousuke's tantrum and doesn't repress a half smile that quirks one corner of his lips. This kind of thing is so pointless, but Yousuke does it anyway. He doesn't have the creative power to make something out of himself, just a stormy cloud inside his head that never clears or picks up enough wind speed to turn deadly.

Otter says snarl twice because she is not paying proper attention

[masukunduh]

When he's done, he's breathing heavily, quite a mess, and turning properly embarrassed. Yousuke glances at Souji for the first time from the corner of his eye.

"Don't look at me like that." I know what you're thinking.

[denyingpets]

"How should I look at you, then?"

[masukunduh]

"It's not like that-- It's because you're thinking something, like... How pathetic I am."

[denyingpets]

"All you have to do is prove I'm wrong."

Souji crosses the room and flops down on his couch. His expression lapses into a small, twisted frown as the burning on his forehead comes back to the forefront of his perception.

[masukunduh]

Yousuke sighs as he inevitably knows that he can't. There isn't a whole lot that Souji doesn't look down on as pathetic, and he's already predisposed to the inclination. He was convinced there was nothing that could be done to change his mind on the point.

The sigh mixes with an actual feeling of concern as he notices the pain cross Souji's face. It had been months since he had received the traitor's mark and it had yet to fade at all. It made him irritable and more unpredictable. And he wasn't a person that could be comforted through regular means, as much as Yousuke wanted to hold him, or kiss him, or sleep with him.

Pathetic. Yeah, that was right.

"...Do you want anything."

[denyingpets]

Souji rubs one eye and composes himself.

"...I need to feed the spiders."

[masukunduh]

"I'll get the roaches."

Souji kept them special. All this stopped grossing out Yousuke a long time ago.

[denyingpets]

Souji heaves himself to his feet and goes to check on his spiders. He can't even call them pets, because "pet" implies some affectionate bond with a creature. It's a term he's more likely to apply to Yousuke than to one of his tarantulas.

"...Maybe I should move on to reptiles."

[masukunduh]

"Snakes?"

Something like a Bearded Dragon didn't seem intimidating enough to appeal to Souji. Unless it was like, the size of a Gila Monster.

[denyingpets]

Souji sighs as he prepares to feed these things. Snakes can be vicious, but they just don't have the personality to appeal to him. They were only driven by hunger and didn't even have the instinct to stop eating when they'd had enough.

[masukunduh]

Yousuke hands him his long tongs.

"You could always trap that black dragon."

Oh yeah. The one that wanted to viciously murder them all.

[denyingpets]

Souji smirks to himself at the idea. He could try, but he had a feeling he'd be risking quite a lot in the process. Taking the tongs in hand, he selects a roach and lowers it into the terrarium.

His smile widens just before he catches the tarantula's tripwire with the roach. Her fangs are buried in it before he even lets the food go, and he withdraws the tongs, murmuring praise to her. She did what she was supposed to do--he expected nothing other than that from her.

[masukunduh]

Yousuke had seen the spiders catch their food enough times that it was no longer interesting to him. He however does still enjoy watching Souji watch the spiders hunt. The man smiled mockingly plenty, and he was at the end of that smile often enough to know what it looks like. But seeing him smile from actual pleasure is an entirely different sensation.

He only knows a few ways to make it come around. None of them are painless.

[denyingpets]

Souji follows the same procedure for all of his spiders--four of them now--watching each one hunt and begin the process of eating. When he's satisfied with them, he cleans up, setting aside the remaining cockroaches and putting away the tongs.

Then he turns to Yousuke, catches him watching him, and his smile takes on a different dimension. Not quite mocking, but not really pleased either. It's a smile that could quickly and easily turn dangerous, but he glances at the orange-ish mess that's left of the wings he destroyed for Yousuke, and he lets it go. Yousuke might have more bite, if he'd just let himself be a person instead of a reflection. Souji can appreciate that potential, even if he won't applaud it.

He flops onto his couch again and rubs the raw spot hidden under his bangs, his eyes closed.

"Are you staying?" He'll give him that choice today.

[masukunduh]

Yousuke knows, and he takes an instinctual step back when their eyes meet. He still can't quite meet that gaze, or muster that much intensity. Sometimes he wonders if a frog feels the same way when facing down the glare of a snake.

When Souji looks at the remains of the wings, his nerves calm down, and he glances at his hands. He realizes he's been bleeding this whole time. Had he really become so accustomed to pain? There are still small bits of glass stuck in there too. He was starting to pick them out on his own with a slight wince when he was spoken to.

It wasn't often that he was actually asked. He hesitates for a moment, but nods, and sits at the table in the middle of the room to finish the job.

[denyingpets]

Souji opens his eyes again when he hears the rustle of Yousuke settling into place. He watches him for a few seconds, then sighs, heaves himself to his feet, and goes to his desk. After riffling through a drawer, he returns and sinks to the floor next to Yousuke, too weary for his skeleton to be an obstacle to movement.

He plunks a small first aid kit on the table and takes one of Yousuke's hands, which he begins to clean and treat without a word. He wonders why Yousuke has never taken advantage of these moments when he's at his weakest; it's probably never even occurred to him.

[masukunduh]

It hasn't. Something like "taking advantage" isn't what he wants to do...

Well. He does want to. Who doesn't? But he isn't the type of person that can simply have what he desires no matter the situation and not feel dirty afterwards. He still has some semblance of a conscious.

"...You're being nice to me today."

[denyingpets]

"Am I?"

Souji's tone is disinterested, distracted. He finishes sticking bandages on one of Yousuke's hands and moves to the other, picking out any remaining glass and dousing the cuts in alcohol.

"I did make you a promise."